Get A Job!
by AlfredFingJones
Summary: What's the worst that can happen when three of the awesomest countries get a job at a strip club? Prussia, Canada and America wind up living together in Manhattan. Contains UkUs, AusPrus, and Franada. Some Prucan flirting and innuendos.
1. Chapter 1

**Get a Job!**

"Greenie... I be broke!" I whined, waving my feet up in the air.

She groaned over the phone, "No, really? I wouldn't have guessed!"

"Meanie!" I rolled over on my hamburger bed of awesomeness, "Save the sarcasm and save me!"

A pause. Then her full, throaty laugh filled my ear. Chuckling still, she stuttered, "G-get (chuckle) a (snort) job!"

"A," I drawled, "job? Yeah, right! Who would hire me?"

"Strip clubs," she had no hint of laughter in her voice, "Iggy would hire you to do housework, but he'd probably just fuck you into a wall or something" -I made a noise of protest- "while you were trying to dust. Oh, Mattie and Gilbert are looking for work, too."

Strip clubs? With my brother and our awesome friend? Sounded cool to me. "Well, how would that work? Greenie!"

She sighed, "Gilbert's brother... Ludwig, I think? The one fucking Italia, anyway... "Of course she'd remember who was screwing who... "wants him out of the house. He's looking for a place to live. Considering he's not a country, where he lives can't really affect anything, you know? Mattie, however, has a work visa into your place. Find an apartment in New York or something."

"Fine. Strip clubs?" I'd started taking notes, grabbing my hamburger notebook from the table next to me. My french fry pen was scribbling furiously, trying to write down her ideas.

"I'd try '_The Gateway_'. One of my human friends owns it. She's epic- almost Poland-like, I think you'll find. Listen to her, Alfred. She doesn't appreciate rudeness. Anyway, she's trying to find people who look like _Hetalia_ characters, and you're the exact replica (as far as she knows). Go there."

* * *

We strode with confidence towards the address Greenie had given me, laughing at Prussia's stories. He'd been trying to seduce Austria and none of his usual methods were working. So, he had accepted my invitation, thinking that some time away may be good. He didn't mention Ludwig or Italy. Mattie and I didn't ask. We didn't need to.

"Well, ready for this awesomeness?" Prussia laughed, tossing his arms over Mattie and I.

I laughed with him, "You bet! Three amazingly sexy dudes walking into a strip club? They won't know what to do with themselves!"

"Personally, I think they can all fuck themselves, eh," Mattie stuck out his tongue, lifting his finger in defiance.

"That's my Birdie!" Gilbert ruffled his hair, "Awesome!"

We entered the building. As soon as the door shut behind us, a shriek of pure adoration came from the sound booth above. "HIRED! Oh, Nivi-Nivi wasn't lying~! You are replicas of them! I can die happy!" The owner of the voice leaped from the booth, and managed to land in my arms. How? No clue, dude. None at all. "So strong! I could just cover you with ice cream and lick it up!"

She was a thin woman of about thirty, with gigantic boobs. I'm serious! There's a reason she's a stripper, I think. "Uh..."

"You're America! I love you! Just corner Arthur in a room and ravage him already! Seriously!" How much did Greenland tell her...? "AND you! You're Prussia! Ah~! I'm in love with you! Like, in L-O-V-E! You're so sexy, mm~!" Prussia smirked, about to reply. She wasn't done yet, though. "Canada..."

"Who?" He said, pointing at himself, "Me?"

"Yes, you! You'd make the perfect man for France! Keep that fool in line!" She rolled out of my arms, sashaying up to my brother, kissing him. He gasped in surprise, then sank into it, taking advantage of the situation. She drew away, hazy eyed. "That... that was a kiss. That was what I'd expect from France. I'll be taking those more often." She turned back to me. "How well can you kiss?"

"Erm..." I didn't get farther than that. She kissed me, pulling me down by my collar. I drew her closer, turning the kiss sweet as I lifted her in my arms. I drew away, kissing her quickly and sweetly once more.

"I feel like crying. The moe is affecting me! I need a really, really strong dose of red to be me again..." she collapsed in my arms, "You are too sweet..."

Prussia coughed. The woman drew away from me, kissing my nose. Then she pressed her lips to Prussia's. In seconds, I could hear moans from her. Canada made a face at me, making me cough to hide my laughter. "How long do you think it'll take?" He mouthed at me.

"Fifty seconds for her to draw away," I signed back.

True enough. It was fifty one. "Hired... all of you. But I'm keeping your kisses for myself. Dancers and strippers. I assign you songs and partners, you come up with the dance, I decide whether it's sexy enough. Your pay will be awesome, I assure you."

"How much?" We asked in unison.

She smiled, "How does thirty thousand per week sound?"

"Awesome," Prussia smirked at her.

**AN: HEY! BROS! Just to let you know, most of this story is true-ish. None of the names are. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE!**


	2. Night One (Part 1)

**Get a Job!**

She was waiting for us the next day, papers in hand. Beginning to hand them out, she said, "Alright! Alfie, you are dancing to _American Trash_ by _InnerPartySystem. _I thought it suited you. Okay, here's yours, Mattie. _Canadian Please _by _Gunnarolla. _Gil-gil, you are dancing to _Invincible _by _Adelitas Way. _Sound good to everyone? Yes? Awesome." We glanced at each other, shrugging. She continued, "And last but not least, all three of you are doing a trio to _Mr. Saxobeat _by _Alexandra Stan. _I'd start working on dance moves while you have the stage to yourself. Tonight, you'll be hosts- which means you are serving the costumers. Not sexually, please, just with food and drink. The drunker you get them, the more they spend."

We nodded, Prussia smirking a little. Oh, he's going to find the beer... Mathew coughed, then whispered, "Excuse me? Miss?"

"Yup?"

He looked shocked for a moment then recovered, "What are we going to wear for our dances, eh?"

"I'm taking a worker's vote; they'll choose. Now, go plan! Choreograph! Have fun! The beer is off-limits!"

Prussia seemed to deflate like a balloon. I couldn't help laughing at him. Soon, Mattie joined in. Prussia glared at us for a total of two seconds before cracking his infamous smile. He grabbed our hands, dragging us towards the stage. "You heard the woman!"

**...BLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEHBLEH...**

The infamous strip pole. I stood glaring at it, arms crossed. Gilbert and Mathew mimicked my pose, watching me. "Well, eh? Are you or aren't you?"

"Aren't?" I squeaked.

Gilbert snorted, "Ja, you are." He pushed me towards it, knocking me off balance. I grabbed it, whipping around to glare at them. They both motioned with their hands for me to continue. So I did, wrapping my arms around it as though it was my lover. I met Mathew's eyes. He gulped. Oh, hell yes. Let's do this!

_Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me _began playing. I started dancing, weaving around the pole without ever removing my touch from it. Once (I don't know how, it just happened, dudes!) I flipped upside down, my legs holding rather tightly to the metal. I slid, letting my hands touch the ground before I flipped down. The song ended. I met their eyes, "Well?"

"I wish you weren't my brother... eh... You don't know how sexy you are, do you?"

Prussia's mouth snapped shut. He made a funny noise that sounded like a moan of arousal with a snort. "Ja, I'm sure he does. By the way, you are pole dancing for our song."

I smirked, "Why's that, man? Aroused?"

"Ja, I am," he leaned towards me, taking my face in his hands. "Care to fix it, Alfie?"

"A-_hem,_" We turned, meeting our new boss's eyes. She smiled, "As much as I'd like to see the three of you get it on, you need to get ready for work. Here's your outfits-" She handed us each a waiter's gear (just an apron and a bow-tie, really) and some underwear. "-so go get changed! Hurry, hurry" Pushing us towards the back, she slammed the door to a dressing room. Joy.

Prussia shrugged. He dropped the clothing on the floor, pulling off his shirt then the rest of his clothing. Mattie and I stared at him with looks of horror and 'OMG, dude, can you not take your clothes off?' Not to say he was bad looking. Oh, no. He had muscles to spare and then some. But the scars criss-crossing his back looked painful, even to me. Mattie started reaching forward to touch him, awestruck. I slapped his hand away. "Aren't you going to strip? We've got a job to do, ja?"

"Uh, yeah, man. Yeah." I pulled off my clothes, tossing them randomly about the room. Then, I turned to my outfit.

Red... thong? Shrugging, I pulled it on, tying the apron around the front. Mattie helped me with the bow-tie. Soon enough, we left the room, smiling at the women who ogled us happily.

Our boss- Tina- gave us our work, and sent us out.

Little did we know how eventful it would be.

* * *

**AN:**

**Sorry it took so long! **


	3. Night One (Part 2)

**Get a Job!**

I sashayed towards a group of men near the stage, carrying their order of Budweiser and other beers. Other costumers were staring, so I flashed them my 'Hollywood' smile- Arthur nicknamed it- and continued on my way.

The table I was waiting had six men that all were leering at me. The closest was about twenty five and his leer was the most sexual. "Hey, hey! What's your name?"

"You can call me Alfred," I smiled sweetly, "And you?"

After smirking at his friends, he replied, "Greg."

"Well, Greg, did you order Budweiser? 'Cause I got three bottles here for you and your friends. Among other things."

"What other things, babe?"

Oh... I was in trouble. I squeaked,"More beer?"

"Sounds like a question to me." He leaned forward, grabbing my chin. "What about... you?"

"Me? What would you want with-"

"I think I'll tie you to the bed," he smirked, interrupting me, "And do nasty things to you."

WHAT? No! Trying to squirm away, I felt a hand on my back. Iggy? Iggy! No... "Watch what you say to him, ja?" Gilbert.

"Eh," Mattie kissed my cheek, "He's much too pretty for the likes of you, eh."

"Ja. Besides, he's ours. We don't like to share, do we?"

"No, eh. Not to mention, you'd be the one tied to the bed if you ever tried," His arms hung loosely around my neck, "I would know, eh."

Greg stared at them with wide eyes, mouth hanging open. "Are you..."

"Lovers? Ja. All three of us." Gilbert moved my head to kiss my lips, "And if you have a problem with that, you should think before you speak." The two led me away.

* * *

Later that night, dressed in pj's with Captain America (he's my hero!) printed on them, I turned to my brother and Gilbert, "Hey, thanks, y'all. I didn't know what to do."

Mattie smiled at me shyly, "That was scary, eh..."

"Scary? That was awesome! He's lucky I didn't break his neck like I awesomely can! Besides, everyone knows you're Eyebrow's."

"I-" My phone started ringing. I spun towards it, addressing it in a sharp tone, "-really?"

"Who's ADD? You're ADD, eh!" Mattie giggled uncontrollably, falling with a shriek off the couch.

Stifling my own laughter, I answered the annoying buzzing thing. "Yo! America here! How can I help ya?"

"Can you please answer your phone in a more... professional way?" England snapped over the phone.

"Hey~! Iggy dude! Wuzzup?" Yes, I mess with English just to annoy him.

"Do stop. I was just calling to alert you that the next meeting- next week- will be in New York."

I started laughing, "Really? Dude... that's funny! Nice prank."

"I'm hanging up now."

"No no no, wait! You're serious?"

"Would I joke, America?"

I hung up. Turning to the other nations in the room, I squeaked, "Meeting. Next week. Here."

Prussia voiced my thoughts, paling more than usual. "Shit. That is totally unawesome. You know how France is- he'll go exploring every strip club in the city!"

Mattie promptly fainted.

* * *

**Hey~! Its me, ya'll! Sorry for taking so long to write this! I've been really busy...**


	4. Whoa, man!

**Get A Job!**

By the end of the next day, we had our dances worked out. I was pole dancing (at the urging of Gilbert and Mattie) for mine. Prussia was just dancing and Mattie was stripping. Together, we'd just be awesome! That was obvious. Our outfits? Those were up for debate.

"Eh...?"

"Awesome."

"I think I'm gonna quit."

The three of us held our costumes, eyeing them with mixed expressions. Mattie just seemed confused; that was normal for him. Prussia was grinning like the madman he is, twirling a black leather suit around on a finger. Me? I was ready to burn mine. Who the hell decided to mutilate my flag? "Quit? That's unawesome, Alfie! We gotta dance!"

"Sure thing." I paused, "Where's our other outfit?"

"Huh?" Tina blinked at us, then seemed to come to her senses. "Oh! Those. Right... those are a surprise! Now, go put those on!" She pushed us into the dressing room, closing the door behind us. Mattie shrugged, stripping before us. He innocently pulled the costume over his head, then fixed it.

Prussia threw his on, blowing kisses at himself in the mirror. He did look awesome in it.

My turn. I slid on the ghastly thing, noting the nude colored body suit underneath. My flag slid over my shoulders, catching on one, draping down to cover the bits no one needed to see. Prussia gasped, Mattie flushed. "You look sexy, eh."

"Ja, ja, lets go. Stage for Alfie in five."

_**HAMBURGERS! OH, AND FRENCH FRIES, TOO!**_

The lights were blinding. I spun on the pole, gazing at the audience every so often. I licked my lips, meeting a particularly sexy dude's eyes. He flushed, smiling a little. Adorable. I left him alone for a while, meeting his eyes again at the end of the dance. I winked, smiled, and disappeared behind stage. "Your turn, Mattie. Have fun, dude."

"Wish me luck, eh." He smiled, bumped my fist, and strutted out onto the stage. Prussia smirked.

"Nice flirting session, ja?"

"Huh?"

"Don't act innocent with me, Alfie-cakes. I know you were flirting with that dude out there." He ruffled my hair. "I don't blame you. He was sexy, for a human."

"For a human?" I huffed, "Dude, he was adorable. Not sure he even wants to be there, you know?"

Gilbert's grin coulda scared Russia. His eyes flashed redder than normal and he stretched, "Ja. We'll just have to show him the time of his life."

Oh, yeah. I love these guys!

_**MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE, SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY!**_

"Okay, okay. I've got chairs, tables, catering, wine... sticky notes, pen-"

"It's awesome. Calm down!" Prussia looped his arm around Mattie, offering his ice cream to my bro. With a determined smirk, Mattie licked a little then brought it in his mouth. "Hey, there, birdie. I've got an awesome five meters you can do that awesome thing with!"

"BROS! Seriously? I'm missing something and I don't know what!" I went back to my list, running my finger over it. There was silence for about two seconds before they started flirting again. "England's tea! That's what I'm missing!"

"You set tea out for him before every meeting?" Mattie crossed his arms, "Really, eh?"

"Yup. Don't tell. I kinda have to get up early to do that. And only on the first day," I sent a text to a friend requesting tea, then sighed. "Six days. All I have to do is set it up. Cool."

Mattie 'hmm'ed, "Right. We're needed at work. Like, now. Boss has costumers lined up down the street to see us."

That was day two.


End file.
